Chuck Norris Facts

For all my prior service soldiers, marines, sailors and airmen or even the US government contractors who have been over seas in the Middle East. The days when porta potties or porta johns, were the only places to take a piss or dump and was littered with black sharpie jokes about good ol' Chuck Norris. Here are a few classic one's that always made me laugh, no matter how nasty it was to be in the damn hot box! For everyone else enjoy...Happy Friday!

• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
• Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
• Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
• Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
• There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
• When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
• Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
• Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
• Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
• Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
• Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
• Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a Delta Force marathon on Satellite TV.
• Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

 

Even though he's probably one of the WORST actors, LOL!!...you gotta give it up for Chuckie.

The man is a true patriot and all around good human being.

 

Chuck Norris or Mr T.

Who would win?

 

chuck or s. segal?

 

Chuck Norris always wins because

"There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control."- Ala GBandy

 

Chuck Norris sneezes with his eyes open.

 

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands...

Chuck Norris wrote an autobiography....it was just a list of everyone he has killed.

Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club

Chuck Norris' smile once brought a puppy back to life.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

 

Congrats Gbandy for successfully making a thread dedicated to the awesomeness of Chuck Norris. LMFAO

 

"some say there is no chin under chuck norris's beard, only another fist" -peter griffin

 

The agent of Chuck Norris asked Chuck if he wanted to be in Brokeback Mountain. Chuck Norris' agent has been missing for almost 2 years now. Never ask Chuck Norris to be in a gay cowboy movie.


Chuck Norris is so tough he blows bubbles with Beef Jerky

 

And that how I got my handle name...Chuckthroat,lol

 

Chuck's the man.One of the few actors I have any respect for.

 

when Chuck Norris was born, he slapped the doctor... HARD

 

There's a ton of them here,check out this site,LOL Chuck Norris Facts

 

"Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird. " thats messed up!!

 

"Behind every great man there is great woman."
"Behind every dead man there is Chuck Norris."

 

Chuck norris

 

I couldn't think of anything else.. And I don't go in pota potties.. I piss and shyt outside

 

I remember this one while I was there, as stupid as it is...lol

There was a street named Chuck Norris, but they had to change it because no one crosses Chuck Norris.

 

Happy Saturday!!! Here are few more...LOL

• Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. But, Chuck Norris has never ever cried. Nor will he ever cry. EVER!
• Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
• Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
• Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
• In the Coke vs. Pepsi Challenge, Chuck Norris chose Sprite...and he was right.
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and knew karate.
• Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
• When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
• Chuck Norris' mom was a virgin when she had him. Apparently, his testosterone levels are so high, he was able to impregnate her before he was even conceived.
• Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
• Chuck Norris once swallowed a quarter and shit out 2 dimes and a nickle
• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
• Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.