You know you are owned by a dog when...

You have a mental list of people you would like to spay or neuter.

Running out of paper towels is a household crisis.

You stick fake reindeer antlers on the dog and photograph him for your Christmas Cards.

Not only do family and friends think you go overboard with doggie holiday decorations, they have never seen the holy family depicted by dogs.

Your checks show a dog.

You pray they will someday manufacture Teflon furniture.

You absentmindedly pat people on the head or scratch them behind their ears.

You not only allow dogs on the couch, guests have to sit on the floor because the dog has "territorial issues."

You and your vet are on a first name basis.

You tell your children to "heel!" in a grocery store.

You know all the characteristics of a good "stool".