New age kids

When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious
diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with
walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through
year ‘round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to
their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average
despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill where
they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from
starving to death!


And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way in
hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I
had it and how easy they’ve got it!

But....

Now that I’ve reached the ripe old age of thirty, I can’t help but look
around and notice the youth of today.

You’ve got it so easy!

I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a Utopia!

And I hate to say it but you kids today you don’t know how good you’ve got
it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have The Internet—we wanted to know
something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves!

And there was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter—with a
pen!--and then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in
the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

And there were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to
go to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or we had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would
usually talk over some part of it and mess it all up!

You want to hear about hardship?

We didn’t have fancy shit like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and
somebody else called they got a busy signal!

And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you
had no idea who it was it could be your boss, your Mom, a collections
agent, your drug dealer, you didn’t know!!! You just had to pick it up and
take your chances, mister!

And we didn’t have any fancy Sony Playstation videogames with
high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like
“Space
Invaders” and “Asteroids” and the graphics sucked! Your guy was a
little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple
levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never
win,
the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died!

Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating!
All the seats were the same height! A tall guy sat in front of you, you
were screwed!

And sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20
channels and there was no onscreen menu! You had to use a little book
called a TV Guide to find out what was on!

And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday
morning... ...D’ya hear what I’m saying!?!

We had to wait ALL WEEK, you spoiled little brats!

That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too
easy.

You’re spoiled, I swear to God! You guys wouldn’t last five minutes back
in
1984!