Fallen - Old Fart

Fallen

An old priest got sick of everyone in his parish confessing adultery.
During one Sunday's sermon he told them, "If one more person confesses to adultery, I'll quit!"

Since everyone liked him, they decided to use a code word: "fallen."
From then on, anyone who had committed adultery said they had "fallen."

This satisfied the old priest and the parishioners, and everything was fine for years, until finally the old priest passed away at the ripe old age of 93.

Shortly after the new young priest settled in, he paid a call on the mayor. The priest was quite concerned. "You have to do something about the sidewalks in this town, Mayor. You can't believe how many people come into the confessional talking about having fallen!"

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had explained their code word to the new priest.

But before the mayor could explain, the priest shook his finger at the mayor and said -
"I don't know why you're laughing; your wife fell three times last week!"


Old Fart

Maurice, aged 75, visits his doctor for his yearly medical checkup. All tests came back with good results. When Maurice later on steps back into the office to discuss those results, his doctor says that he's in great physical shape. "How are you doing mentally and emotionally, Maurice?" His doctor asks. "Are you pleased with your life, how is your relation to God? Maurice says : "I've got a superb connection with God. He knows my eyes ain't the best anymore and when I get up at night to take a pee, he makes sure the lights are on when I need to go and it turns itself back off when I'm done." "Wow, that's quite amazing" the doctor replies. Later that day, he calls Rose, Maurice's wife. "Maurice is in excellent physical shape, but I wanted to ask you some questions about his relation to God. Is it true that when he needs to go take a leak at night, that the lights go on and off automatically?". "Goddamn! That old fart has been peeing in the fridge again!"

 

Oops...I meant to post this in the joke thread...my bad.