a paper im writing for school its just a rough draft

I didnt say your freinds I said your peers. Facts are facts, unfortunately your the minority in your city.

 

my peers ? i go to a private school so my peers are well mannered and your talking about something you know nothing about dont ever put me in the same list of what you said

 

...don't let anyone shake your chain...kdr...lol...

 

i guess your right

 

..i will give him one thing tdk...he was wise enough to ask for opinions..so..good move...k-dr....

 

I would pick another topic. No matter how you paint it or what people put in your mouth here you just not going to get the sympathy you'd get here seasoned dog man or not.

 

This is a great example of how all threads should go... kens heart is in the right place... Sometimes its hard to relate in words what we feel inside, I think the content here is better than all those cheap petsmart style books written about our dogs... No real advice besides keep the passion burning and research everything you can... Remember with understanding the depths of these dogs doesnt mean you can teach a reluctant listener, Mr.Stratton has fought the good fight for along time and it takes some intelect to do so...

 

look kid, quit gettin all defensive & shit... LOL, the WHOLE city of detroit is a piece of shit..... actually its a piece of shit's piece of shit...LOL, when i say your peers im not automatically reffering to you, your friends or your family. im referring to your surroundings, and unfortunately if you are where you say your at, unfortunately...the vast majority of the people in your city are pieces of shit...... big ups to you for not wanting to be involved or considered amongst those folks, thats the firt step to distancing yourself from that way of life, nobody was trying to hurt your feelings.

 

I may be too late to provide some constructive criticism based on some of the posts and your replies but here is my perspective, focused more on your task of writing than on the "social" repercussions of the topic you have chosen to research.

Obviously, the first challenge you face is to refine your research. This will give you a more ample knowledge of your topic and also will help you focus on a specific aspect of the breed. There are plenty of summaries on the APBT throughout the internet, so you may review them so that you may find a reasonable template for your "paper" without incurring into the realm of plagiarism. This seems to be an appropriate approach for your level of expertise with writing.

The most glaring issue that I noticed in your essay is that it has no cohesion. It is all over the place although the main idea seems to be that you want to provide a brief history of the APBT. Perhaps if you utilize the five-paragraph essay formula you may be more successful in both refining your writing skills and focusing on one aspect of the long and complex history of the APBT.

The following is my suggestion. Use it or fashion it to your liking for any for any topic.

In your introduction you explain that you are going to focus on the enigma that the APBT is. You may include some of these controversial perspectives that surround the APBT but when you state your topic sentence this will serve as your main focus for the next three paragraphs, no matter what particular topic you choose. From here all you do is elaborate on the main topic in three paragraphs and finally give your perspective in your concluding paragraph.

For example, take the history of the APBT. In your introduction you state that the history of the APBT is contorversial but that there is a generally accepted history. The breed has its beginnings in Europe. Then the breed's history further developed in the US for about a century. Finally, in today's world, the breed is the subject of controversy due to confusion with other similar but distinct breeds and tissues surrounding its fighting history. Your concluding paragraph shares your point of view and your conclusion about the topic. Simple as that.

What your writing instructor is looking for in your "paper" is the appropriate process that leads to an clear essay with sound structure. Good luck.

 

I redid the paper i got an A-

 

...like i said dont ever put me in the list of what you said

 

good job ken .

 

Excellent job young man maintain

 

.....good for you k-drake...

 

congrats!





Ive got 2 BSC collars for you if can come up with a 8-10 pager on ADD?ADHD.

 

Look kid I'm happy u got an A but u can't let everything get to u on here. U wanted to write your paper and u did. U can't make it in this world listening to every one. U got hart kid and a understanding a lot of people your age will never have. Get u some reputable books like Bullyson and Sons, J. Crenshaw, Robert Lemm. Just to name a fue he'll even R. Stratton and get lost in them I mean really get lost in the books. There is a whole deeper concept than just hooking 2 dogs. Like R.Lemm told me" if it was just about watch 2 dogs dance the knight away every one would be winning and I would be broke. LOL"
Keep up the good work tuffen up and listen. U got a long way to go. If this is the sport u want to be in.

 

i have a few books by colby

 

Just a few hints from an old guy. Never show a rough draft. They're always a mess. That's why they're called "rough drafts." When you show your best, that's when readers MIGHT give you credit for being a writer of some credibility. Why in the world show your worst writing? It's like asking others to do for you what you're either unable or unwilling to do for yourself -- write it correctly.

Another hint from someone old enough to say this about himself: It's a long time since I was young enough to know everything. It's probably true that most of the older more experienced readers here will know exactly what I mean in saying that. We all or most of us go through it: we start out thinking we know everything about, for example, being a good writer. But then, as years pass and we gain a deeper understanding of life, we begin to understand that we didn't know as much as we thought we did -- and then and ONLY then do we begin to make serious headway toward being the writer we'd like to be.

Some here have, with good reason, warned you against initiating a losing battle against ignorance. I myself, a writer on the breed, once mentioned my dog books on a well-respected site for writers. The result? Several dozen of my fellow "intelligent" writers calling me a "sadistic animal who ought never to have lived." That taught me an important lesson: Stick to my guns but choose my battles carefully.

I'm glad you got that A-minus. You can count that in with whatever other food for thought you've managed to chew up and digest around here.