The Guys' Rules

The Guys' Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down ​

[B] [/B][B]Finally [/B], the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules "
From the female side. ​

​

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
[U]ON PURPOSE! [/U]​

​

​

​

​

​

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem [B]only [/B]if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. ​

See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, [B]don't [/B]Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the [B]other one [/B].

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did [B]NOT [/B]need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have [B]no [/B]idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it [B]will [/B]be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... [B]Really [/B].

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. [B] [/B][B]Round [/B]IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. ​

 

Thats Awesome!!!!

 

good stuff NB, i need to print it off and put it on the fridge

 

haha thats good!

 

Noice lol

 

That's about how we think Pretty funny though.

 

Lol good stuff. Deffinatly having the wife read that.

 

[SIZE=4][FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Book Antiqua][CENTER][SIZE=4][FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Book Antiqua][B]
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a [/B][/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/FONT][FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=navy][COLOR=navy][FONT=Book Antiqua][B]Problem. [/B][/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Book Antiqua][B] See a doctor. [/B][/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE][/CENTER]
[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE]

I said this to my girl once. End well, it did not.
​

 

hand to god true story.
a guy i worked w/ was getting ready to go out to dinner w/ his wife for their 20th wedding anniversary.
his wife asked- "do these pants make me look fat"
cool as a cucumber and not missing a beat he replied "your pants dont make you look fat, your fat makes you look fat"
needless to say, they did not go out for that dinner

 

Our thoughts wrote out in black and white. Thats tight...

 

Probably had to sleep with one eye open :eek: