The L.A.R.K. Program

THE L.A.R.K. PROGRAM

A Lady liberal wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being held in Guantanamo Bay.

She received back the following reply:

The White House

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

Washington, D.C. 20016

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Quida detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay,Cuba.

Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington.

You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care.

Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday.

Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers.

We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.

Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character flaws.

Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually), since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.

I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka -- over time.

Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his religious beliefs" -- wasn't that how you put it?

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and remember, we'll be watching.

Good luck!

 

ROFL! Can I post that elsewhere?

 

That is just sooo right....

 

Sure. The more the better!

 

the funny thing is that most of the guys in guantanamo bay are not terrorists and cannot be proved that they are...still inocent (arab) people are tortured and you folk don't give a damn about it..
this kind of humor is not so funny...can it be called racism?

little questions about terrorism...since bin laden "was able" to bring down the 2 towers..why there was no more attacks?

other little stupid question, if there was no violence how a governement could impose a police state? (maybe by feeding violence among other things...)

good bless patriot act that blows your constitutional rights....


us the citizens are undersurveilance, we are cattle being maneged...

know your enemy

 

To be honest I think its bullshit. if your going to arrest a terrorist why not have hard intelligence before you capture someone instead of keeping them locked up for 6 years plus with no trial. The system is absolute dog shit. and the treatment of people there is also dog shit. People always go on about democracy and america represents freedom. Great message we are sending out. When images around the net circulate with people dripping blood head to toe in the care of americans it doesnt really do good for the nations image.

Im sure allot of you on the board are "there fucking dirty terrorsits smear them in pig blood and dog shit" yeah! woot woot!.

Its very sad that we make people live under these conditions to get faux confession. then rewrite the law to what defines torture.

You see people think its some amazing feat that there have been no attacks since 9/11 but when was the last attack? '92? correct me if im wrong. a diffrence of 16 years. while it has only been 6 years since 9/11.

That is if those attacks where really carried out by men in the desert and in caves :rolleyes: with passports magically appearing in all the debri & fire when human remains still lay there.

The sheep are being herded and the shepard seeks to kill his own flock. therefore even there are no wolves and the sheep fear the wolf it is the shepard the sheep must be wary of as he does not care for his flock.

 

this is getting pretty stupid,everyone being so sympathatic(sp?) for a bunch of people that hate and would love to destroy America.

 

There is a lot of evidence that a fair number of the people in Guantanamo are just unlucky people who got grabbed by mistake.

If they are Al-Qaeda or allied, nail em' to a wall. But don't just go grabbing folks which is what seems to have happened.

But hey, go ahead and blindly believe the government, its not like they have ever misrepresented anything. *



* Indicates sarcasm

 

well for one thing they are and don't mind killing american soldiers,, i know we are in there house so to speak,, but if it was me and i caught one trying to kill one of my companions then so be it,,, i wouldn't torture them,,, i'd have to protect my own,,, and put them out of there misery,,, i'm sorry if this offends you but a no legged soldier offends me,,, so me personally would just end it, and there wouldn't be nothing else to talk about,,, i'm sorry if that offends anyone but ppl die everyday needlessly,,, if they knew the consquince would be death immediatly they wouldn't be so quick to jump,,,now would they

 

Ha ha ha ha ha ha WOOOOOOO! LMAO! Good for her! HEHEJE

 

to resume what i think....
why the heck fight bsl?
unwanted dogs, dogs that killed, dogs with fighting background etc etc etc...
why fight bsl saying that is unfair to our dogs and do the oposit to human beings? is it coerrent?
kill proven terrorists ..hell ya, but torture inocent people and saying all are woman rapists and deadly murderers etc i cannot agree.
i wish well to anyone that is good, anyone means no colors, no frontears.
even if im not a big fan of arab culture i respect good arabs as i respect good americans, good blacks, good hispanics etc.
if i dont like my dogs to be finger pointed because other pitbulls, if i dont like being finger pointed because i am how i am, i cannot point the fingers to people that did nothing wrong.


i rest my case, im not here to get in this type of discutions since this is a dogs board

 

I cannot believe we have "Gitmo sympathizers" on here. To me the folks who cry alligator tears for the folks at Gitmo rank right along as type of folks as bunny huggers.

So they get pig blood or dog poop put on them or maybe get chinese water torture done to them. Big fat hairy deal. Do you know what would be happening if the shoe was put on the other foot? Our guys would be getting heads chopped the F off, that's what! So please don't come on here sniveling about the poor little abused terrorists in Gitmo.

As for why there hasn't been another attack, there is one reason & one reason only for that - we took the fight to them. They have no reason to come here to kill us if they can do it just as easily in Iraq.

And as to attacks - the last one was in '92?? How about this:

Feb. 26, 1993. New York City: bomb exploded in basement garage of World Trade Center, killing 6 and injuring at least 1,040 others. In 1995, militant Islamist Sheik Omar Abdel Rahman and 9 others were convicted of conspiracy charges, and in 1998, Ramzi Yousef, believed to have been the mastermind, was convicted of the bombing. Al-Qaeda involvement is suspected.

Nov. 13, 1996. Riyadh, Saudi Arabia: car bomb exploded at U.S. military headquarters, killing 5 U.S. military servicemen.

June 25, 1996. Dhahran, Saudi Arabia: truck bomb exploded outside Khobar Towers military complex, killing 19 American servicemen and injuring hundreds of others. 13 Saudis and a Lebanese, all alleged members of Islamic militant group Hezbollah, were indicted on charges relating to the attack in June 2001.

Aug. 7, 1998. Nairobi, Kenya, and Dar es Salaam, Tanzania: truck bombs exploded almost simultaneously near 2 U.S. embassies, killing 224 (213 in Kenya and 11 in Tanzania) and injuring about 4,500. 4 men connected with al-Qaeda 2 of whom had received training at al-Qaeda camps inside Afghanistan, were convicted of the killings in May 2001 and later sentenced to life in prison. A federal grand jury had indicted 22 men in connection with the attacks, including Saudi dissident Osama bin Ladin, who remained at large.

Oct. 12, 2000. Aden, Yemen: U.S. Navy destroyer USS Cole heavily damaged when a small boat loaded with explosives blew up alongside it. 17 sailors killed. Linked to Osama bin Ladin or members of al-Qaeda terrorist network.

Sept 11, 2001. New York City, Arlington, VA. & Shanksville, PA.: hijackers crashed 2 commercial jets into twin towers of World Trade Center; 2 more hijacked jets were crashed into the Pentagon and a field in rural Pa. Total dead and missing numbered 2,9921: 2,749 in New York City, 184 at the Pentagon, 40 in Pa., and 19 hijackers. Islamic al-Qaeda terrorist group blamed.

June 14, 2002. Karachi, Pakistan: bomb explodes outside American consulate in Karachi, Pakistan, killing 12. Linked to al-Qaeda.

May 12, 2003. Riyadh, Saudi Arabia: suicide bombers kill 34, including 8 Americans, at housing compounds for Westerners. Al-Qaeda suspected.

May 29–31, 2004. Riyadh, Saudi Arabia: terrorists attack the offices of a Saudi oil company in Khobar, Saudi Arabia, take foreign oil workers hostage in a nearby residential compound, leaving 22 people dead including one American.

June 11–19, 2004. Riyadh, Saudi Arabia: terrorists kidnap and execute Paul Johnson Jr., an American, in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. 2 other Americans and BBC cameraman killed by gun attacks.

Dec. 6, 2004. Jeddah, Saudi Arabia: terrorists storm the U.S. consulate, killing 5 consulate employees. 4 terrorists were killed by Saudi security.

Nov. 9, 2005. Amman, Jordan: suicide bombers hit 3 American hotels, Radisson, Grand Hyatt, and Days Inn, in Amman, Jordan, killing 57. Al-Qaeda claimed responsibility.

Sept. 13, 2006. Damascus, Syria: an attack by four gunman on the American embassy is foiled.

Jan. 12, 2007. Athens, Greece: the U.S. embassy is fired on by an anti-tank missile causing damage but no injuries.

Dec. 11, 2007. Algeria: more than 60 people are killed, including 11 United Nations staff members, when Al Qaeda terrorists detonate two car bombs near Algeria's Constitutional Council and the United Nations offices.

However, I will say they do deserve speedy trials (after all, why feed a dead horse?) & if they're found guilty chop THEIR heads off & if they're found innocent, turn them loose.

But those are just my thoughts on the matter.

(BTW Bullyson, I thought your joke was funny as well as true.)

 

i understand where your coming from but there are alot of them that the second you turn your back would drop a ied up under you as fast as you turned ur back,,, all these ppl aren't getting blew up for no reason,,, someones planting them,,, same ones that walk around looking innocent everyday,,,

now for the bsl thing,, i keep my dogs up andout of sight so i won't have that kind of issue,,,

but you got to admit someones planting bombs and blowing soldiers legs and heads off,,,

 

yes allot of troops dont mind killing 1000s of civilians. .

im going to stay out of this before it gets far to heated.

 

I don't mind killing civvies if those are the ones planting bombs or aiding terrorists ...

Man, we have gotten way too soft. That's why we lost Vietnam & are going to lose Iraq/Afghanistan. War is war. If civilians get killed, so be it. Look at the collateral damage from WWI & WWII. But we did what we needed to do win those wars.

I say if you're going to war, loose the dogs & let 'em do what they were trained to do. If some innocent folks get hit by accident, that's part of it. Now I do not think we should INTENTIONALLY target civvies, but if they're in the wrong place at the wrong time, sometimes that can't be helped.

 

it won't get heated,,,lol,,, i got to say if its me or them i wouldn't hesitate and get blew up,,, i would come home,,, you hate to be in that kind of perdiciment but you are the only one thats going to cover your butt when it gets deep,,, i'd rather kill some civlians and come home than worry about it and get blew up,,, thats whats got alot of ppl hurt,,, instead of taking care of business they dally assed around and got hurt when they should have shot before they got to close

 

Again, there is evidence that a lot of the people in Guantanamo are NOT terrorist or Al-Qaeda.

I have NO sympathy for Al-Qaeda, I'd just as soon gut them myself as look at them and if they get killed or suffer some discomfort then great. But just because someone is Muslim does NOT make them a terrorist and from what I've seen we got sloppy and some innocent people got scooped up and dumped in Guantanamo.

That sucks, and it makes the whole job we are facing much harder. We are trying to fight Islamic militants. To win that we need the help of other Muslims who decide that the terrorist are worse than the Americans. There are well over a billion Muslims in the world, you can't (as much as I'm sure some of you might like it) kill all of them. So you have to win over some as allies.

We have done a good job of that lately in Iraq, the Sunni "awakening councils" are a prime example of that. When we get reckless and excessively heavy handed we are shooting ourselves in the foot. Things only started to improve in Iraq when Petraeus took over and began to implement a coherent anti insurgency stratagy.


The "kill em' all and let God sort em' out" approach is in the situation we are in COUNTER PRODUCTIVE.

 

Well, by just killing them, though speedy, you would be unable to get intel off of them. For those who feel sorry for them, be grateful that there is restraint used in the interrigation techniques. It could be WAY worse, as it is for ours when they get captured.

The little bit of waterboarding aint nothing compared to what it could be. I dont pity them a bit, and I really dont think that there are inocent folks in Gitmo, you dont just jaywalk and end up there!! And there are many Arab's here who are not in Gitmo, heck, look at the Democratic presidential nominee!!

 

If I could thank you 10 times I would. Props to you PP!!!!

 

And let me make myself very clear when I say this... I know our country has faults. That being said, I still love and respect MY countrymen. AMERICANS. Thats all there is to it. If it ruffles your feathers that I'm a seperatist, F*CK YOU! If you think that we should have mercy on the people that would rape and behead my little girl because "Allah" says its the "right thing to do", F*CK YOU TOO! I will stand by my beliefs and there isnt an SOB on this planet who can change that. Call me narrow minded or whatever you want. I AM AN AMERICAN and I WILL STAND UP FOR AMERICANS UNTIL THEY SCREW ME INTO THE GROUND. You could pull those assholes fingernails off for all I care. Torture em until they die or talk. Which ever comes first.